Decisions, Decisions
Written By Melanie VanderPol-Bailey at Rural Roads Counseling
You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em. Know when to fold ‘em. Know when to walk away. And know when to run…..
Were you singing Kenny Rodgers “The Gambler” by the last line? I hope so. In our fast-paced world, we need moments of play and delight amid an ever-flowing river of decisions. What’s for supper? When should we sell the corn? Can you bring a pan of bars to church tomorrow? Can you help volunteer on Saturday? Where are my boots? Did somebody check the cows? Daily decisions can feel like you are drinking from a firehose. In our small communities, we help each other, and with many roles come many expectations. If you feel as though you are serving from your reserve and do not pause to refill, your “good works” can become currency that you pay for.
Life is full of decisions and there is a kind of tired that sleep does not solve. It is not simply the physical exhaustion that comes from chores, caregiving, working, farming, helping neighbors, running to ballgames or managing a household. It is the quiet mental drain that comes from making decisions day after day while carrying responsibilities that rarely pause. Mental health professionals call this decision fatigue, and it happens when the brain becomes overloaded from constant choices, responsibilities, problem-solving and emotional labor. Over time, our ability to think clearly, regulate emotions, prioritize and make healthy choices becomes strained.
In rural America, people wear many hats. We are used to being capable, resourceful, dependable and persevering. While these are beautiful strengths and values, they can also make it harder to recognize emotional overload in real time. Our brain was not designed to operate in nonstop “figure it out” aka control mode and our nervous system was designed for seasons of stress, not continual stress. There is a difference between working hard and operating from a frequent state of depletion. Functioning from a state of permanent “survival mode” can create both physical and emotional problems.
As you fill your summer calendar, pause to notice if you are currently functioning in a state of survival mode. Are you constantly in a rush? Do you feel guilty when you rest or take time for yourself? Are you reacting instead of responding? Are the rhythms of daily life doable or are they feeling pressured and overwhelming?
Our mental load is often silent, invisible labor. If you have been feeling more irritable, forgetful, overwhelmed, disconnected or emotionally exhausted, it does not mean you are failing. It is very possible your mind and body have been carrying too much for too long. The weight of responsibility often needs a counterbalance. Restoration and daily delights are necessary soul food and simple ways to regulate our thinking. We can slow down, we can pause to watch the sunset, we can eat on paper plates, stay home, say no and simplify things. Strength is not only found in endurance; it is equally wise to know your limit and slow down. Fall in love with the world around you. Pause to truly see others in your home and communities. Delight in the good, even though and especially when things feel hard.
